Dear Love Drive,
What are some great ways to start a conversation with a girl without sounding like I just want to bang her?
Down To Bang, 22, M
Let’s start off by never using the word ‘bang’ to refer to sex. Ever again.
I can appreciate the fact that you’re asking this question. It sounds like you know that the best way to have sex with someone is probably not to walk up to them and say,
“Yo baby. Wanna bang?”
Unless you want to get punched in the face. This is an excellent way to get punched in the face by the way.
Most women know you want sex
Let’s get something out of the way really quickly. It’ll make life going forward much easier.
For the most part, women know that men want to have sex them. Men are conditioned to want to do it and women have been hearing it on a regular basis their whole life.
Whenever you walk up to a woman and initiate conversation, she’s probably thinking to herself,
“This guy wants to bang.”
Go forward with the knowledge that you don’t have to be explicit when meeting someone new that you want to have sex with them. For the most part, they already know.
It’s certainly not implied, but women have a sneaking suspicion when you approach them that you’re probably looking to be more than friends.
Assume you won’t have sex
The odds of you having sex with someone that you initiate a conversation with is ‘crazy low’.
So low that it’s simply best to assume that you won’t be having sex with the majority of people you meet.
With this attitude, you’ll never be disappointed. The goal no longer becomes having sex. The new goal is connection.
“Yo baby. Wanna connect?”
Before you have sex with someone you need to establish a connection. You’re not going to connect with everyone you meet so removing the expectation of sex lowers the stakes dramatically.
I’ll let you in on a little secret.
No connection, no sex.
OK, fine. How do I start a conversation?
Think back of the many ways you started conversations with people you didn’t want to have sex with. OK?
It was probably something benign. You started off talking about something, and then the conversation went into a different direction. Next thing you know you’ve been talking for 10 minutes.
The formula is exactly the same with people you’re attracted to and want to maybe have sex with.
Once you remove sex out of the equation, you lower the stakes and can simply connect with them like you would anyone else.
Here’s a very simple way to start a conversation with a stranger.
“Hi. We don’t know each other but I wanted to say hi. How’s it going?”
I know, how basic.
But it works because it’s direct, and it’s not a game.
It’s OK to walk up to someone and say hello. Women enjoy it and you’ll get more responses with an honest approach than with any cheesy pickup line.
Not convinced? Want more than one simple conversation starter? Great.
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